The transition from home to memory care was hard for my mom, but even harder was asking my family to step back and allow the community to take over my mom’s care and give her time to acclimate.  Separation from family by limiting calls and visits during the initial phase of a transition is a very common practice in cases of difficult transitions.

I know this because I have helped many of my clients and their families go through this type of transition. However, experiencing it myself is completely different.  The separation between my mom and siblings was extremely emotionally stressful and although I tried to explain the purpose, some of my siblings didn’t agree and it resulted in a lot of family tension.  So, I gave in, and after just a short time of separation, the visits and calls started again.

As expected, my mom’s agitation and pleas to go home were too much to handle. She reported that she was being treated poorly and although I knew it wasn’t factual, a few of my siblings believed her and made the abrupt decision to move my mom back to her home (with a new care partner and one of my siblings initially).

Although I was concerned about another transition for my mom,  I stepped back and allowed it to happen because, in reality, there was no way of knowing how my mom was going to respond.  My experience would tell me otherwise, but I felt it was important to support my sibling’s decision and acknowledge their perspective and level of acceptance.  The reality of the situation is that many difficult decisions await my siblings and me. Though we may have many differences of opinion, it is crucial that we find ways to work together so we can support each other along this difficult journey.

Decisions such as making a move can be extremely emotional and difficult. It is especially tough because there is no way of knowing how your loved one will respond to the decision.  You will have feelings of guilt and betrayal knowing that they would never choose to move on their own. Seeking a professional, such as myself, can help you move forward knowing that you are thinking about their best interest every step of the way.  If it doesn’t work out, don’t be hard on yourself, there is really no way to know.  Turn a corner, make a change and try something else. Surround yourself with the support and love of friends and family during this very challenging time.

Resources: https://www.alz.org/media/cacentral/documents/Professional-Care-22-Successful-move-to-Dementia-Care.pdf