My Story
As someone who has walked the intricate path of caring for a loved one with dementia, I extend my hand to you, fellow family members, in solidarity and understanding. As caregivers, we face an array of challenges that often leave us feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. I know this all too well. Each step along this path is filled with emotions, complexities, and unexpected twists that test our strength and resilience. Within the depth of these experiences, I want to share a specific experience that had a profound impact on me, hoping it might offer guidance and reassurance to you.
Facing a Dementia Care Crisis
I always tell my clients, “Things can change at any time, so enjoy the “calm before the storm.” Well, the storm hit hard 2 days before I was leaving for a work trip. As I was packing my bags, my mom’s care partner called me to resign “I can’t do it anymore,” he said, “your mom’s dementia has gotten to be too much for me” The timing couldn’t have been any worse, I had less than 48 hours to figure out what to do. There was nobody I trusted available to jump in and take over my mom’s care. I contemplated finding a new care partner, but my mother’s increased confusion and agitation made me question whether she would accept someone new into her life. Moreover, I worried about her safety navigating the big house with a new care partner. These concerns left me at a crossroads, desperately seeking a solution.
With little time to spare, I reached out to the executive director of a memory care community I highly regard. I explained my predicament and asked if they could offer temporary respite for my mother at least until I returned home and had the chance to explore other options. In a moment of immense relief, he said yes.
It wasn’t until I put my mother in the car and we started driving to the community that the magnitude of my decision truly hit me. The emotions that swirled within me were overwhelming – a mix of guilt, failure, sadness, pain, loss, and fear. In my head, I knew that this was the safest choice for my mother, but in my heart, I feared she would be absolutely miserable. I was torn apart and emotionally exhausted. It wasn’t until I found support from a few of my siblings who were right there by my side, reassuring me that moving my mom into memory care was the right decision at the time and in my mom’s best interest that I was able to find solace.
My Advice:
Moments of complex emotions such as this should be a reminder that we are not alone in this journey and we must not face these challenges in isolation. Lean on others for guidance during these turbulent times. Reach out to a trusted friend, seek professional support, or even connect with a support group. Surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through and can offer valuable insights. Remember you are not alone. Share your story, seek solace in others who have walked similar paths, and find comfort in the knowledge that there is a community ready to support you every step of the way.
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